Written by Kyuri Bae
KISS KISS speaks to an international couple, Minimi (M) and Vincent (V), navigating love between languages. From miscommunication to understanding, their story reveals what holds a relationship together.
Have you ever experienced misunderstandings due to language differences in your relationship? Could you share an example?
M: Not exactly a misunderstanding. There are moments where we don’t fully understand each other, and it can get a bit frustrating, but we always ask questions right away when something isn’t clear. We often use translation tools and take the time to talk things through, so we’ve been able to communicate quite well overall.
B: We can experience the language barrier every day. But normally, when someone doesn’t understand something, we tell them immediately. But we had to learn too. I can’t remember an example, but when we started our relationship, we definitely had more misunderstandings than today.
In one of your videos, Minimi mentioned feeling excluded when conversations were mostly in German while spending time with Vincent’s friends. How did that moment feel for you, and what did it mean for your relationship?
M: At first, I wasn’t sure if I really needed to learn German. But after meeting his friends a few times without understanding anything they were saying, I realised how isolating it felt. I couldn’t join the conversation at all, and it made me feel small, like I was becoming less confident and even “stupid” in a way.
I had travelled all the way to Germany to see my boyfriend, yet I found myself in that situation, which was quite difficult emotionally. I’ve always known I’m someone who gets hurt easily in relationships, but this experience affected me more than I expected.
After that, I completely changed my mindset. If I wanted to continue this relationship, learning German felt essential. Even if I’m not close with his friends, just being able to understand conversations would make a big difference.
This experience led us to promise each other that we would both learn each other’s languages. We also agreed to be more considerate when visiting each other’s countries or meeting friends, making sure we don’t leave the other person out.
V: I could totally understand her, as I was in a similar situation while I was staying in Korea. So I tried to make it a different experience for her. But sadly, I failed to include her well enough. After that, we met my friends a couple of times again, and I still couldn’t include Minimi fully in my friends’ conversations while we did something together.
In that moment and after that, I thought I had tried everything. I tried to translate as much as possible and got my friends to have conversations in English. Some friends did it more often than others. But I couldn’t really force them to do it. So I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was really hoping that everybody could be friends. Especially because all my friends’ girlfriends are friends with everybody, too.
I think for us as a couple, we noticed for the first time that there are some difficult times even when we are together. Before, we were always able to enjoy our limited time together and have almost no fights. And the arguments that happened were always quickly resolved. But this one was bigger and took us a longer time to understand each other.
What cultural differences between Korea and Germany surprised you the most when you started dating Vincent (or Minimi)?
M: Nothing too major, to be honest. But I was surprised by how things like CCTV or black boxes in cars are not commonly used in Germany.
V: I was really surprised by how Koreans make gifts for each other. Firstly, coupons or money gifts are not seen as rude or thoughtless. Also, you can just send them over Kakao Talk (Korean version of WhatsApp). Having a wish list on Kakao Talk also seems to be really convenient as well.
In Germany, you should give a rather thoughtful gift, especially for your partner. Not meeting your partner’s parents until marriage was also quite confusing. I already met Minimi’s parents, and they welcomed me really well. But usually, it is not like that.
However, in Germany, it is quite the opposite. Usually, you should know each other’s parents before the wedding.
Has dating someone from a different cultural background changed the way you see your own culture or values?
M: I used to think Korea wasn’t necessarily the best place to live, but after spending three months in Germany, I’ve come to really appreciate how convenient and efficient Korea is.
For example, administrative processes in Germany felt extremely slow and inefficient to me. When I applied for a working holiday visa, I sent money and waited for a response for over a month, but didn’t hear anything until two weeks before my departure. When I went in person, I kept being sent back and forth between offices. It made me realise how much faster things are handled in Korea.
Things like free public toilets, free water, side dishes in restaurants, and even trains running on time. Korea suddenly felt incredibly convenient. At the same time, one big advantage of Germany is that even with a minimum wage, it’s possible to live in a relatively spacious apartment. That stood out to me as well.
What have you learned about love or relationships through being in an international relationship?
M: I realised that being physically close doesn’t necessarily make a relationship stronger. Sometimes, being apart can make you feel more connected, and it keeps the relationship from becoming repetitive.
Also, even if you come from completely different countries and don’t share the same language perfectly, you can still genuinely love each other. At the end of the day, people are not that different.
V: Staying strong and never giving up, no matter how hard it gets, is always worth it. There are times when long distance feels just too hard, but being together again makes up for all the difficult times and all the waiting.
Also, understanding each other is not only about communication. It is more about understanding the person you love. But great communication definitely helps with understanding each other.
What advice would you give to other couples in international or long-distance relationships?
M: For long-distance relationships, trust and respecting each other’s time are essential. Without those, it becomes very difficult to maintain the relationship. Also, if one partner looks down on the other because of language differences, I think that’s something to seriously reconsider.
It’s important not only to think about when the long distance will end, but also whether you truly fit into each other’s countries and lifestyles. Sometimes, it might not be as compatible as you expect, so I would actually recommend trying something like living abroad for a few months, like I did, before making bigger decisions.
V: If you are doing long distance, please don’t give up. It will end at some point, and it makes you enjoy the small things even more.
Don’t let the language barrier build a barrier between you and your partner. It may be difficult at first, but if both of you put the work in, you will see that the love and understanding between you two will grow even deeper.