Written by: Lia Keeble Otero
What happens when a relationship has all the feeling, but none of the definition? We asked strangers what undefined relationships really look like beyond the label.
“It feels like a relationship, but it’s not”
The word situationship didn’t come from a dictionary. It came from group chats, dating apps, and half-joking explanations to friends when “it’s complicated” stopped covering it. Popularised by journalist Carina Hsieh in a 2017 Cosmopolitan article, where it was defined as “a hookup with emotional benefits”, the term has since gained traction across platforms like TikTok, becoming shorthand for relationships that exist without clear definition.
Its rise reflects a wider shift in how relationships are formed. Where dating once followed a clearer progression of meeting, commitment, and definition, many now exist in a more fluid space, shaped by dating apps, constant communication, and the option to remain undefined. For some, the ambiguity isn’t accidental, but part of the dynamic. That grey area is where the situationship lives. Its meaning shifts depending on who you ask – and that ambiguity is where its tension lies. Rather than defining it outright, we went to Brick Lane in East London to understand what it actually feels like in practice, beyond what it’s supposed to be.
For many, situationships are defined by imbalance. Haley, 29, describes the risk as something almost inevitable – the quiet shift that happens when one person begins to feel more than the other. “I think the risk is always if one person develops feelings and the other doesn’t,” she says. “Often, one person wants more, and they’re just hanging on, waiting for the other person to say yes.” What feels like a relationship can exist without ever being acknowledged as one. “It feels like a real relationship, but it’s not. And that’s what makes it painful.”
Mala, 25, speaks from a place of exhaustion rather than reflection. Having been in multiple situationships, she describes the experience as emotionally draining. “You’re getting all the feelings of a relationship,” she says, “and it’s just not that.” The tension builds quietly through delayed replies, unclear intentions, and the sense of always waiting for something to shift. “If someone takes three or four days to reply, I’m not doing that anymore,” she says. “I shouldn’t be chasing someone to communicate with me.”
Together, their experiences reflect a familiar pattern: something that begins open and undefined slowly becomes harder to navigate, not because of what it is, but because of what it isn’t. The lack of definition doesn’t remove expectation; it often intensifies it. But that pattern isn’t universal. For Michael, 19, a six-month situationship with his best friend felt entirely different – less defined, but no less meaningful. “We loved each other in the good and the bad,” he says, “whether we were together or with other people. We never had to explain anything to each other.” Rather than confusion, he describes clarity – a connection that exists without pressure or expectation. “It was a different level of connection that I didn’t know how to define at the time,” he explains. “I only realised later that it was a situationship.”
For him, the experience is formative rather than frustrating. “During those six months, I really got to know myself,” he says. “I set my standards, learned my limits, and figured out what I want in a future partner.” Now, years later, they remain friends. “Honestly, it’s probably the most positive experience I’ve had with anyone,” he reflects. “But I also know I wouldn’t want another situationship again.” His experience complicates the idea that situationships are inherently negative, suggesting that for some, the lack of definition can remove pressure rather than create it.
“If someone takes three or four days to reply, I’m not doing that anymore”
For Dean, 32, the distinction is more straightforward and something he feels he’s grown out of. “If you’re anxious about when they’re replying and what to say,” he says, “it’s probably not love – it’s lust.” For him, love is defined by calm rather than intensity. “When it’s love, it should feel comfortable and natural. Sometimes it’s fun to chase, but it ends in tears for everyone.” It’s a perspective shaped by experience rather than idealism. “I don’t want the drama anymore,” he says. “If it’s something casual, accept that. Don’t take it further.” The word situationship is rarely used for something that works. Instead, it is applied to connections that end before they ever begin. That is where the stigma comes from, not necessarily because the experience is always negative, but because it lacks resolution. Something unfinished, something unclear.
“I don’t want the drama anymore”
Across the experiences on Brick Lane, no single definition holds. For some, situationships are defined by imbalance and frustration; for others, they offer freedom, clarity, or even growth. What remains constant is not the experience itself, but the uncertainty surrounding it – a relationship shaped as much by what is left unsaid as what is felt. Its meaning shifts depending on who you ask. That grey area is where the situationship lives – and perhaps why it continues to persist. Not as a failure of modern dating, but as a reflection of it: fluid, undefined, and still being figured out.