What happens when a relationship has all the feeling, but none of the definition? We asked strangers what undefined relationships really look like beyond the label.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt feels like a relationship, but it\u2019s not\u201d<\/em> <\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
The word situationship didn\u2019t come from a dictionary. It came from group chats, dating apps, and half-joking explanations to friends when \u201cit\u2019s complicated\u201d stopped covering it. Popularised by journalist Carina Hsieh in a 2017 Cosmopolitan article, where it was defined as \u201ca hookup with emotional benefits\u201d, the term has since gained traction across platforms like TikTok, becoming shorthand for relationships that exist without clear definition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Its rise reflects a wider shift in how relationships are formed. Where dating once followed a clearer progression of meeting, commitment, and definition, many now exist in a more fluid space, shaped by dating apps, constant communication, and the option to remain undefined. For some, the ambiguity isn\u2019t accidental, but part of the dynamic. That grey area is where the situationship lives. Its meaning shifts depending on who you ask \u2013 and that ambiguity is where its tension lies. Rather than defining it outright, we went to Brick Lane in East London to understand what it actually feels like in practice, beyond what it\u2019s supposed to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\nPhoto by Alejandra Rodriguez Horita<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n
For many, situationships are defined by imbalance. Haley, 29, describes the risk as something almost inevitable \u2013 the quiet shift that happens when one person begins to feel more than the other. \u201cI think the risk is always if one person develops feelings and the other doesn\u2019t,\u201d she says. \u201cOften, one person wants more, and they\u2019re just hanging on, waiting for the other person to say yes.\u201d What feels like a relationship can exist without ever being acknowledged as one. \u201cIt feels like a real relationship, but it\u2019s not. And that\u2019s what makes it painful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mala, 25, speaks from a place of exhaustion rather than reflection. Having been in multiple situationships, she describes the experience as emotionally draining. \u201cYou\u2019re getting all the feelings of a relationship,\u201d she says, \u201cand it\u2019s just not that.\u201d The tension builds quietly through delayed replies, unclear intentions, and the sense of always waiting for something to shift. \u201cIf someone takes three or four days to reply, I\u2019m not doing that anymore,\u201d she says. \u201cI shouldn\u2019t be chasing someone to communicate with me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\nPhoto by Alejandra Rodriguez Horita<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Together, their experiences reflect a familiar pattern: something that begins open and undefined slowly becomes harder to navigate, not because of what it is, but because of what it isn\u2019t. The lack of definition doesn\u2019t remove expectation; it often intensifies it. But that pattern isn\u2019t universal. For Michael, 19, a six-month situationship with his best friend felt entirely different \u2013 less defined, but no less meaningful. \u201cWe loved each other in the good and the bad,\u201d he says, \u201cwhether we were together or with other people. We never had to explain anything to each other.\u201d Rather than confusion, he describes clarity \u2013 a connection that exists without pressure or expectation. \u201cIt was a different level of connection that I didn\u2019t know how to define at the time,\u201d he explains. \u201cI only realised later that it was a situationship.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For him, the experience is formative rather than frustrating. \u201cDuring those six months, I really got to know myself,\u201d he says. \u201cI set my standards, learned my limits, and figured out what I want in a future partner.\u201d Now, years later, they remain friends. \u201cHonestly, it\u2019s probably the most positive experience I\u2019ve had with anyone,\u201d he reflects. \u201cBut I also know I wouldn\u2019t want another situationship again.\u201d His experience complicates the idea that situationships are inherently negative, suggesting that for some, the lack of definition can remove pressure rather than create it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf someone takes three or four days to reply, I\u2019m not doing that anymore\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\nPhoto by Alejandra Rodriguez Horita<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
For Dean, 32, the distinction is more straightforward and something he feels he\u2019s grown out of. \u201cIf you\u2019re anxious about when they\u2019re replying and what to say,\u201d he says, \u201cit\u2019s probably not love \u2013 it\u2019s lust.\u201d For him, love is defined by calm rather than intensity. \u201cWhen it\u2019s love, it should feel comfortable and natural. Sometimes it\u2019s fun to chase, but it ends in tears for everyone.\u201d It\u2019s a perspective shaped by experience rather than idealism. \u201cI don\u2019t want the drama anymore,\u201d he says. \u201cIf it\u2019s something casual, accept that. Don\u2019t take it further.\u201d The word situationship is rarely used for something that works. Instead, it is applied to connections that end before they ever begin. That is where the stigma comes from, not necessarily because the experience is always negative, but because it lacks resolution. Something unfinished, something unclear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want the drama anymore\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\nPhoto by Alejandra Rodriguez Horita<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Across the experiences on Brick Lane, no single definition holds. For some, situationships are defined by imbalance and frustration; for others, they offer freedom, clarity, or even growth. What remains constant is not the experience itself, but the uncertainty surrounding it \u2013 a relationship shaped as much by what is left unsaid as what is felt. Its meaning shifts depending on who you ask. That grey area is where the situationship lives \u2013 and perhaps why it continues to persist. Not as a failure of modern dating, but as a reflection of it: fluid, undefined, and still being figured out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Written by: Lia Keeble Otero What happens when a relationship has all the feeling, but none of the definition? We asked strangers what undefined relationships really look like beyond the label. \u201cIt feels like a relationship, but it\u2019s not\u201d The word situationship didn\u2019t come from a dictionary. It came from group chats, dating apps, and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":252,"featured_media":1126,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-rush"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/864","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/252"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=864"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/864\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1797,"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/864\/revisions\/1797"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1126"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=864"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=864"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mccs-journalism.gold.ac.uk\/wp\/kisskiss\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=864"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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