The 6 things to consider before you decide to break out of the friendzone
You may have heard the expression “don’t shit where you eat.” You may also have heard that by the age of 16 there’s an 80 percent chance you will have already met the person you’re going to marry. To top it all off, the average woman finds her life partner at 25, whereas the average man finds his at 28. These cosmic chunks of pseudo-science, while admittedly dubious, imply that a lot of people who end up in happy relationships have been in friendships, or at least known each other for years before they become romantically involved. So, is it not worth ruining a friendship to secure lifelong happiness?
Formulaically-written American sitcoms have a lot to answer for on this topic: Ross and Rachel (Friends), Ted and Robin (How I Met Your Mother), Pam and Jim (The US Office), Jess and Nick (New Girl) and the list literally goes on. The will-they-won’t-they between friends-turned-lovers-turned-friends has proven successful in keeping viewers tuned in every week. However, real life isn’t quite so formulaic, and just because the best friends hook up after ten seasons on the small screen and live happily ever after, it doesn’t guarantee you will too.
But if dating a friend didn’t work out, it doesn’t necessarily have to ruin the friendship. However, if you did want to ruin a friendship, it is probably the quickest way to do so. Here’s a few tips on making it work with your mate to consider before you decide to bunk up with your bestie.
- Be honest
There’s no point forcing something that isn’t there. Sometimes there is simply no spark, and that’s okay. Just because you’re good friends and physically attracted to one another, that does not necessarily directly translate into romantic chemistry. The best thing possible to minimise the damage that it will cause to your friendship is put the other person out of their misery as soon as possible if you’re not feeling it.
- Don’t rush it
In today’s dating landscape, there’s no shortage of different and confusing labels which apply to the stage couples are at: talking, exclusive, seeing, friends with benefits; and these can become blurred at the best of times. However, the intensity of a romance between friends is often accelerated because you both know each other so well. The idle chit-chat on the first few date is replaced by more meaningful questions, simply because you both know how many siblings the other has, what their Jack Russell’s name is, and what shows they’re watching on Netflix.
- Think of the group
The stakes are much higher if you’re both part of the same friendship group. If it doesn’t work out in the not-so-distant future, you may be forced to socialise with them and their new partner who – spoiler alert – isn’t you. Will you still be comfortable hanging out together if things don’t work out? And forget the CDs; who’s going to keep the friends in the relationship divorce? In this case, you might find that your other friends are resistant to the relationship, simply because there is nothing quite like a failed romance to break up a group of friends.
- Don’t just dip your toe in the water
Dating a friend is something that you need to commit to completely if you don’t want it to ruin the friendship. Flirting with the idea of romance and backing out is guaranteed to cause resentment on the other person’s behalf. If it’s a friendship with someone that you truly value, be certain that you see it going somewhere before taking the plunge.
- Be prepared for the friendship to change
It’s very hard to go back to how it was before if things don’t work out. And as much as you might like to, it is very hard to unsee someone naked. Even if things end amicably and you’re both on the same page, they may get a new partner who has a problem with how close they are with an ex.
- The sex might be awkward at first
So don’t be caught off guard. It might be because you are more self-conscious around someone you know so well; or because it’s just a shock to the system, you might even find it weirdly funny. Just bear in mind that initial awkwardness is natural, so try not to let that deter you.