I started drinking around age 13, but the problems didn’t really arise until I was about 18. In my last year of school, everyone was having big parties for their eighteenth birthdays. We began drinking all the time – it simply became a normal part of everyday life.
I moved away from my home in Dublin to London for university. Drinking is such a huge part of the culture in London, so when meeting new people, alcohol would always be involved. In my third year, I went on a year abroad in San Diego – you can imagine what that was like. We were a bunch of young European students let off the leash, so heavy drinking was normal. Similarly, while I was finishing my final year of university in the UK, Covid-19 came along and there was nothing to do. The only thing to look forward to would be a drink with my flatmates at the end of the week.
About six months ago, I realised that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was getting way too drunk, blacking out and feeling awful the morning after. I felt so anxious and sad each time I drank. My friends are also big drinkers, but I always felt I took it one step too far and could never remember anything. The next day, those repercussions were never worth it, so I had to stop it.
I have tried to stop a few times, but I would still go out and do the same things I was always doing, so it never worked out. But now, I haven’t had a drink in two months and I’ve actually been finding it really easy. Making friends who don’t drink as much has really helped, plus my dad doesn’t drink, so I always have somewhere to go to for advice. Funnily enough, I have recently been meeting people by chance who aren’t big drinkers. I suppose I gravitate towards them a bit more.
Mindfulness and exercise – as cliché as they sound – have made it much easier. I also didn’t realise how much time being hungover was taking up in my life, so I’ve had a lot more time to do the things that I love. Rather than going out every Friday and Saturday, feeling dead for the next week and then doing it all over again, I’ve had the time to figure out what I love to do, so that’s been really great.
For example, being sober has helped me to fall in love with writing again. That’s been going really well recently. I’ve got a short film coming up at a film festival and I have been to a couple of stage readings. I also have the money to attend the theatre and exhibitions more often. However, the best thing has been discovering that I enjoy techno music sober, which is a miracle. It’s not like when you’re in a pop music club with an ABBA song playing, ensuring you all have to sing to each other. With techno, you can just stand, dance and do your own thing. Sometimes you just want to dance, you know?
There are a few things that have made it difficult. I worry that sometimes people will think I’m a little boring. However, I have found that once people are drunk, they’re not really paying any attention to you anyway. Nights out with friends that still drink can be interesting. When you’re sober, you can quite quickly see that people are really awkward when they first meet up and it takes them a while to warm up to each other. That helps me to relax, because everyone is in the same boat. Then there’s the deep chats – people seem to love a deep chat when they’re drunk, but I can’t do those anymore. It almost feels as though I’m taking advantage of them.
If I was giving advice to anyone hoping to stop drinking, I’d tell them to get some sober friends. Having someone you can text if you’re stressing out about a night out or something is really good. Also, if you don’t want to go somewhere, just don’t go. FOMO [fear of missing out] is pointless because it’s likely that people won’t remember their night out anyway, so it doesn’t matter if you’re not there. I’d also tell them to try new things and find some activities they enjoy doing. As I said earlier, going sober means you’ll have so much more time and money to spend on things other than alcohol.
For me, I think going sober is the best thing I’ve ever done, it really is.
Featured picture: Flo Karr on Unsplash, Picture editor: Charlotte Doyle