Hey Gemz!
Do you feel like you’re always saying yes and agreeing to things that you don’t want to do? To make other people happy?. Like when you know you don’t want to go to your friend’s party, but you say yes because you want to please everyone? You need to put your happiness first and make sure you’re comfortable with agreeing to things.
You need to remember that you can’t do everything, even if you want to. Motivational speaker, Lolly Daskal says that “trying to say yes to everything is likely to leave you trapped with no time or energy for yourself- and unable to give your best”.
All of the team at Gem-Zine agreed that they used to struggle with agreeing to so many different things they didn’t really want to do. I remember when I was younger and my boss would ask me to work overtime, and even though I had already made plans, I would still say yes. You need to remember that you can’t do everything, even if you want to. So, we have made a list of four ways you can stop saying yes when you really want to say no. It’s time to put your foot down Gemz, change your habits, and start making small changes that have a big impact in the long run too.
1. You can’t do everything
It’s a busy week. You’re the football team captain and there’s a big match tomorrow. You also said you would help with art club, not to mention the stack of homework you have to complete. You want to help, but you can’t do everything!
Even though you want to do a million different things at once, think before agreeing. As much as you want to be the bright student you are, make time for yourself. Lolly Daskal suggests “start by selecting the things you genuinely want to say yes to”. Make sure you have enough time for the fun things you want to do… Facetiming friends, watching the latest Tiktok video or scrolling through Instagram.
Why not make a weekly plan of all the things you want to do and how much time you actually have to help others. Making a clear plan will ensure you can balance your time and will help you select things you really want to say yes to.
Or, why not use some of these handy excuses that the Gem-Zine team has come up with, to make your life that bit easier? What about ‘I have loads on and I don’t want my other work to suffer’, or ‘that sounds great but I’ve already made plans, let’s do something soon though!’.
2. Practice makes perfect
It’s the end of what feels like the longest school week of your life and a bunch of your friends are getting excited for one of the biggest parties of the term. You don’t want to go, but you feel like you have to say yes.
Why not practice saying to yourself ‘no’ when you’re on your own? Practice makes perfect, and the more you say no, the easier and less scary it will seem. Look at yourself in the mirror and be confident when you say it. You could even run through the different scenarios listed in this post and use them to practice saying no.
You could also say ‘no thank you’ when replying to your friends or anyone else in this situation. By being respectful (we know our Gemz are already!) it makes saying ‘no’ seem less of a big deal, and more of a necessity when keeping relationships in our life healthy and abundant!
3. You can’t please everyone
You have been working every single weekend to save up to go shopping with your friends. You already asked for tomorrow off so you could have fun. Your boss has just asked you to work tomorrow, how can you say no when you feel like you’re disappointing your boss?
Make your feelings loud and clear. It’s easy to just nod your head and smile, but think about your own happiness. The team at Gem-Zine have been saying how many times they have said yes to working another shift at their old job because they wanted to make others happy. It’s time to put yourself first Gemz! Ask yourself the important question ‘do I really want to be doing this?’. If you have to think for a while, or if you already know the answer is ‘no’ right away, then it’s clear already.
In this scenario you could give a valid reason like ‘I already booked tomorrow off’, or you don’t have to give a reason at all. Many of us have tried to scramble for a reason why we can’t work. Enough is enough, put yourself first and proudly say ‘no I can’t tomorrow, sorry’. Saying that is a good enough reason and you shouldn’t be pressed to explain yourself if you don’t want to. Writer, Sarah Stewart says that “you do not owe anyone your precious personal time that is set aside for your mental health”. This is incredibly true, make time for things that make you happy.
4. You are brave enough to stand up for what you want to do
As much as you want to help out at home and pop to the shops, your homework is piling up and you’re feeling overwhelmed. You do want to help, but the timing does not feel right as you have just sat down to start working on your homework.
Why not start by saying no to the little things? Prioritise your time! For example, if you’re asked if you want more vegetables and you already know that you couldn’t eat another mouthful, say ‘no’. Sometimes it is easier to agree and say yes, but instead, try starting small. You can then build up to saying no to bigger scenarios.
Once you have put saying ‘no’ into action and practiced a few times, it makes saying it a lot less daunting. Trust us, the more you say it, the more comfortable you will feel when setting boundaries at home, in the playground, and at work.
We hope these tips help you and make you feel more confident when standing up for yourself!
See you Gemz soon!