Listening to the BBC Sounds ‘Pregnant Teens’ podcast as I got ready in the morning, the main interviewees, Nicole, Meghan, and Robyn were talking about being young mums and the difficulties of getting pregnant as a teenager. Their stories really caught my attention as my Grandma had my Mum at 17 and so it wasn’t a topic that seemed controversial to me. Listening to this podcast however revealed issues that I had never thought about before, like what extra challenges these mothers might face on top of pregnancy itself. So I started to do some research. According to Nuffield Trust, “teenage mothers are less likely to finish their education, more likely to bring up their child alone and in poverty, and have a higher risk of mental health problems than older mothers”. Finding this out was shocking and made me wonder what the differences are in lifestyle between young mums and older mums.
As I researched more into the topic, however, it seemed that this negative view on teenage pregnancy has been around for decades. In the 90s, John Redwood, a Conservative MP at the time publicly made horrible comments on both single and teenage mums. He accused these mothers of just having children so they could get free housing, and blamed the state for attracting “young women to become mothers before their time”. This was crazy to me. How could such important people to our country be making brash statements about people they didn’t even know? I was left feeling confused and angered, so I set out on a journey to find out as much as I could about the lives that teenage mums now face.
Looking on Instagram, I came across Bethany from Liverpool, a young mum blogger, who had her first baby at 14 and in 2020, gave birth to her son at 18. She is also part of the online community of teenage mums, the ‘parent squad’. This community operates on Instagram, where teenage mums can connect and share their stories of young motherhood. Today, Beth paints us a vivid story about what being pregnant at such a young age was like and what challenges and surprises she faced.
Eating ice cream on my friend’s sofa at a sleepover, it hit me that I hadn’t come on my period yet. Panic started to build in my chest and my mind was consumed by thoughts of being pregnant. After a sleepless night, I put on a full face of makeup and got a test from the local corner shop. I don’t know why I had put more makeup on than usual, was it for the shopkeeper or for me? I locked myself in my bathroom, as sweat prickled on my skin and my eyes glazed over. What are people going to think, I thought? How will I tell my parents? Two pink lines came up within a couple of minutes and in disbelief, I did another one. The same result – I was pregnant.
So there was something in there, in my stomach, a real-life baby. There was so much to process and think about, I didn’t know how to feel, and I just needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how my parents were going to take this, so I figured texting my Mum was going to be the easiest and best thing for me. I got a text back pretty quickly, saying that she is heartbroken and ashamed of me. I sent the same message to my Dad but he didn’t respond for two weeks. I felt so alone. I hoped that they would understand soon, I wasn’t sure if I could do this by myself.
A few months later I found myself slowly walking to school, I felt my stomach flipping and my hands clam up. I knew it was from nerves and not the baby because that was a big day for me. I was telling my teachers that I was pregnant. I figured that half of them already knew – it’s a small town and the news had already spread like wildfire amongst the other students. Even other schools knew about me which made me feel super uncomfortable. I just hoped that the gossip would settle down and they would get something else to focus on. During the day, the staff were surprisingly really supportive and helpful during the meeting and after. The pastoral care let me know that I could get extra time to study and be excused from class if I needed to go to an appointment. This was the best possible outcome for me as I wanted to get the best grades I could and move on to the next stage of my life. I wanted a career and a baby – was that too much to ask? Even the dinner ladies were being super lovely, always making sure I had enough to eat. Support like that made me see a brighter future, and my family has gotten used to the idea so it looks like things are looking up.
Five months into my pregnancy and I gained the support and confidence that I needed. Not only had I been able to have general maternity care from the hospital and my GP, but I also had a mental health midwife and a family nurse, who came around quite a lot. Sandra, the family nurse, helped me massively in finding out what I needed to do best when I felt like I was struggling and who I could reach out to. She taught me the technicalities of pregnancy, actually giving birth, and then being a mum. She gave me so much moral support when I felt the most alone, I can’t thank her enough.
By the time I get to the end of my pregnancy, I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs. The scans were incredible, it was surreal to see my baby on the screen. Shopping for my daughter was also a delight, with all new little clothes, and beds. I wanted her to have the best start in life and give her everything she needed. On the downside, the morning sickness was awful. In the past, people have spoken and laughed about it, but in reality, it’s really horrible and makes the start of every day really hard to get through. On top of the common downfalls, being a young mum is tough. I’ve noticed so much judgment around me, people looking and thinking certain things about me. They tell you what you’re doing wrong without having any idea of your background or who you are. I know people think I’m not capable and they think I don’t understand what having a baby means for my future. I do know though, and I have proved them wrong. This judgment is the part of pregnancy that has affected me the most and will stick with me for the rest of my life.
Beth’s story needs to be seen by everyone. At just 14, she tackled challenges and harassment that some adults never even experience. Beth knew that she wanted her child and to have a career, not listening to anyone that said she couldn’t. Her journey is one of strength, resilience, and love. Now at 19, she has two beautiful children and is a role model for teenage mums. It seems like, from Beth’s story anyway, that having a baby now is not like what the statistics say at all. Of course, it is still a life-changing event, and teenagers need to really think about getting pregnant or what to do if they are pregnant. If you find yourself in this position, you need to really think and talk with your support system about having a baby at a young age. Of all the things Beth told me, what really surprised me was all the support she had, even when her friends and family could have done better. I began to wonder if this was always the case, and so I spoke to my Grandma who had my Mum in the 70s. She grew up in Lincolnshire and had her daughter at 17 and her son at 21. We follow her story of being a teenage mum in the hippie era.
I sat in the GP’s office feeling stunned and confused because between us on the desk was my positive pregnancy test. I knew something wasn’t right as I had missed about three periods now, but part of me just didn’t believe it, I was only 16. I snuck out of the surgery, whipped around the corner, and ran back to my hairdressing school. Lunchtime was over, and I made a promise to myself to tell my boyfriend John what had happened this evening. I was stupid to think it was going to be as easy as that though. Cleethorpes is a small place where everyone knows everyone, and whilst I finished the day at school, one of my neighbours who had seen me at the surgery had gone straight to my Mum and told her everything.
As I walked home, I was nervous but quite excited to tell John. We had been together for a while now and we had already talked about getting married and having children, so I knew he would be happy with the news. I remember thinking about our future as I walked into the kitchen and saw my parents, John, and his parents were all sitting around the table. My heart sank. I looked at John and he glanced up, not being able to hide a small smile. As for our parents, however, they weren’t displeased, maybe a bit confused that we hadn’t used the condoms that they offer down at the barbershops. They were happy for me to keep the baby but wanted me to get married before the birth – they held their religion and reputation in Cleethorpes in high regard. There wasn’t much option for abortion back then, no one really knew anything about it so we just got on with it.
A couple of months later and I was standing at the bottom of the aisle with my Dad linked through my arm. I looked around at all of our family and friends staring back and smiling. How many of them could tell, I asked myself? I looked down at my long, flowing dress that hid my bump well, but something about getting married with just weeks of preparation at 16 seems a little suspicious. When walking down the aisle, I thought back to just moments before, as my Dad held me by the arms and said “Janet, I know your Mum wants you to marry because of the baby, but believe me, if you don’t want to, we can figure something out”. It was sweet of him, but I knew this is what I wanted to do, I was excited to become a wife and mother.
Halfway through my pregnancy, I was gaining confidence and was enjoying being independant. A lot of the girls that I knew, and even some of my friends, had completely shut off and turned their backs from me. As soon as I told them I was pregnant, they didn’t want anything to do with me. That hurt but I found it so ironic – the 60s and 70s are all about free love and sex, but when someone actually does something, they stick their nose up. I was fine without them though for the time being, I was building a whole new life around me. I felt really grown up sitting with the other mothers in antenatal classes. Here is where I learned the most about pregnancy. We weren’t told a lot about it in school and so I felt that these classes were letting me into the secrets around babies in which only the adults got to know.
This feeling of independence grew stronger when John and I had to move from Cleethorpes to Grimsby from a new posting he got through his police job. That was daunting as I didn’t really know anyone there apart from my Auntie, and by that time I was in the last months of my pregnancy. Luckily, it was a nice enough area, and everyone in the community wanted to give a helping hand. I would often go round to the wives of the police force in Grimsby that were also mothers, they seemed so much more grown-up than my friends at school. They would make sure I was doing ok and I always felt I could go and knock on their door if I needed help. My Mum would call me once a fortnight on the phonebox down the road and a family nurse would visit me once a week just before and after Liz was born to make sure we were both healthy. Apart from these women, I was alone in being a full-time Mum. Those first few months were tough, but I loved it.
Looking back now, I thought I was so much older than I really was. I loved being a Mum, but I had to grow up quickly and get some thick skin. With Cleethorpes being quite a religious place, a lot of my decisions were already made for me when people found out I got pregnant. A lot of people’s opinions had also been made up for them, which I was surprised at myself for handling so well. Whilst a part of me does regret not finishing my time at the hairdressing school, I have learned so much not just about parenting but about the world and had to get through it with whatever life throws at you.
From a look into Janet’s path, it is obvious that some big changes have happened since then in how to look after a baby and what to do if you find yourself pregnant. Fortunately, now we have apps, phones, and other amazing pieces of technology that help with pregnancy and birth. There is now a lot more medical support with contraception options and services at sexual health clinics, supporting each teenage mum to make the best decision that is right for them. Interestingly, Nuffield Trust states that “from 1993, the rate of conception per 1000 women aged 15-17 has gone down from 42% to 17% in 2018”. Alongside this, “the percentage of conception leading to abortion has gone up from 39% to 59%”. What I realised from this research is that girls now are better educated on contraceptive options and the accessibility of abortions has increased, letting girls choose their own paths.
What is still coming up as an issue though is the high level of judgment and prejudice about teenage mums being capable of looking after their child. To tackle this, mental health help from family nurses are there for you on standby for moral support and encouragement. Online support groups such as Gingerbread are also available for young parents who may need help or who may find it comforting to know that they aren’t alone. Sadly, it still appears that the level of judgment and need for a ‘good’ reputation is the same now as it was in the 70s. This is only going to be tackled if we can challenge the stigma around teenage mums. If you feel like this is something you are interested in doing, go to familylives.org to learn and maybe even start following teenage mum bloggers to see what support and action you can take in changing society’s mindset.
After interviewing both of these women, it seems that, yes, teenage mums may be more unsupported caused by the lack of understanding and judgment thrown onto them, but actually, these women are as capable and caring then older mums. In fact, they have to fight harder than older mothers, constantly having to prove themselves by appearing capable and mature enough. What struck me the most on this journey is the support network these women build around them, and these networks are not necessarily their family. Acts of kindness and reaching out to someone goes a long way, and this experience will remind me of that forever.
Check out this ‘How To’ video by What’s My Body Doing, to see how to handle a pregnancy scare if you find yourself in this situation:
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