Sex & relationship therapist and holistic healer Rhian Kivits says pleasure doesn’t always have to be sexual
Rhian Kivits, 47, is a Sex & Relationship Therapist and Holistic Healer from Cornwall. Kivits also uses neo-tantric teachings in both her work, and in her personal life.
When I think of what brings me pleasure, my mind is instantly drawn to sunshine, the beach, swimming in the ocean; things that are just really sensual to me.
I respond to touch: massage and aromatherapy come to mind. Senses are so important, I enjoy listening to beautiful music, playing singing bowls, and singing to myself. I’m quite a sensual person in general, so there are lots of things that bring me pleasure. These aren’t all necessarily sexual in nature, but they still bring good feelings. It’s so important to remember pleasure is not explicitly confined to sexual feelings, it can be found in the everyday.
People view tantric sex as this incredibly “out there” experience, but it’s mostly about being intentional and mindful about how you connect with someone. It’s also about being fully in tune with your own body, and understanding what brings you pleasure. Reaching orgasm isn’t the goal, but rather feeling free to feel pleasure in the moment. This doesn’t have to come from what most people consider to be “sex”, but can be felt in the way that someone touches you, and the way that they connect with you on a deeper level.
Pleasure is not explicitly confined to sexual feelings, it can be found in the everyday
For me, pleasure happens when I’m in a state of deep relaxation. It’s really feeling something to my very core, and finding the beauty and the magic in that thing, whatever it may be. Whether it’s music or touch or sunshine, it can all bring me to a moment of pleasure.
Everything that does bring me pleasure is sensual to me, so there is a slightly sexual element built into that. I actually think that the whole world is made up of sexual energy. There’s a beauty and a softness that I can find in everything around me. For me, pleasure does have a sexual element, but it’s the sensuality that draws me in. The two are very much connected, however; one doesn’t exist without the other.