How touch changes within a new city

As an international student from Madrid now studying in London, I have felt firsthand how relationships and connections change in a new city. When I first arrived, academic support was essential. It helped me enrol, choose classes, and stay on track, but what I truly needed went beyond academics. I needed personal support, someone who understood the small, everyday confusions of adapting to a new culture and the quiet moments when the familiar warmth of home suddenly felt far away. But most of all, I needed a hug.
For those arriving from warmer climates, the first jolt often comes with the sharp breeze rushing from the aircraft doors, a cold that cuts through summer clothes and foreshadows wider adjustments. For international students, it is the opening signal that familiar habits of closeness and gesture will need rethinking.

Gregorio Vanacore, a 23-year-old freelancer, felt it through his arrival at his university in London, coming from the town of Lucca in Tuscany. At Imperial College London’s orientation, amid the hum of arrivals in a large hall, Gregorio leaned in to greet a classmate with the double cheek kiss customary in Italy. The other student gave a brief nod and stepped back half a pace, leaving a space where contact was expected. The exchange passed without remark, but it stayed with him.
Later, in a seminar room lit by overhead strips and filled with projected slides, Gregorio reached out mid-discussion to touch a fellow student’s arm, a natural emphasis in Italy. The student stiffened for a split second, then carried on as though nothing had happened.
“In Italy, physical contact is automatic,” Gregorio says. “You greet people with kisses on the cheek, you touch someone’s arm whilst you talk. Here, I became very aware of my body and how close it was to others.”
On the packed Central Line at rush hour, passengers stood shoulder to shoulder but kept their gazes averted, on phones, papers, or nothing at all. Gregorio found himself inches from a woman reading a paperback, near enough to see the page number, yet the distance between them felt vast. He wasn’t used to so much distance. Back home in Lucca, the buses were local, and people would speak to each other more.
“At first, I thought people were being distant because they didn’t like me,” he says. “It took time to understand that distance here is a form of politeness.”
Mathilde Serrano arrived from Madrid and Nicosia with similar instincts. In her first class at Istituto Marangoni, she opened her arms to hug a Cypriot classmate who entered. The classmate smiled warmly and gave a small wave, hands remaining at her sides. Mathilde lowered her arms, cheeks warming.

“In Spain and Cyprus, touch is emotional,” she says. “You hug when you greet someone, you sit close, you speak with your hands. In London, I felt like I had to hold myself back.” Matilde’s Cypriot classmate, who had lived here for some years, represented how a city can alter how you are, even having roots for a warmer touch.
One rainy evening on the Underground, the train swayed, and bodies brushed briefly. A man’s elbow grazed Mathilde’s; he muttered “sorry” without looking up, then shifted slightly away. Nearby, two people talked in low voices, heads inclined, but bodies separate, no nudge, no tap. “Everyone is pressed together,” she notes, “but it feels very lonely. No one looks at each other. It’s like there’s an invisible agreement to keep to yourself.”
Friendships developed slowly for Gregorio, with one of his British classmates suggesting coffee. They sat across from each other at Pret, talking for an hour about modules and football. No arm over a shoulder, no leaning in. But when Gregorio mentioned missing his mother’s ragù, the classmate listened closely. Weeks later came a text: “Found a decent Italian place near campus if you fancy it sometime.”
“With my Italian friends, touch happens immediately,” Gregorio says. “Here, closeness builds through talking, spending time together, and being consistent. I had to learn that affection doesn’t always look the same.”
Mathilde noticed quieter signs. Her flatmate left her favourite herbal tea on the counter after a long day. A lecturer, on their second seminar, asked by name how her weekend photography project had gone. No hugs or kisses, just small, steady gestures that built over time.
“I stopped using touch as a measure of how close I was to someone,” she says. “In London, care shows up in different ways, like people remembering things about you, checking in, giving you space, and letting you dress and show up how you like.”
Months on, Gregorio began pausing before reaching out, reading the room. One evening, after a group presentation, an Italian friend gave him a quick hug; he returned it, glanced around, and no one batted an eyelid. His shoulders dropped.
“Now I move between cultures more easily,” he says. “I know when touch is welcome and when it’s not.”
Mathilde found herself lingering in conversations, at ease with silences that once felt awkward. “I haven’t lost who I am, I’ve just added something to it.”
“Students come back having learnt many things, like living alone, doing their own laundry, and much more,” says Sofia Goya of International Educational Consultants (IEC), a company that helps guide international students in UK universities. “But the most important lessons are the communication skills they develop. They learn how to deal with all kinds of people, whereas back home you usually interact with only one culture and assume everyone responds the same way.”

Organisations such as IEC encounter these patterns often and see themselves as more than academic advisers. “Apart from academics, we also play a role in the lives of these people in these cities,” Goya says. “Our role is very important for their progress, not only academically, but also personally and emotionally, because we know there are differences that come along with changing countries.”
Gregorio adds, “Many students describe warmth back home as gathering for tapas at 7 pm on a random Wednesday, surrounded by people talking and overlapping. In cities like London, they often discover a different kind of warmth. It is diverse and open-minded, creating a sense of mental closeness, a feeling of refuge.”
In the end, London’s intimacy often resides in the spaces it preserves: the empty seat left on a crowded bench, the nod exchanged across a busy platform, the quiet text that arrives just when it is needed. For Gregorio, Mathilde, and many others, myself included, the city is more than lectures and libraries. It is evidence that connection can flourish in restraint, in distance, in the unspoken decision to let someone simply be.












