Barbara Diesel is a 23-year-old Manchester-based one-woman powerhouse, who made her writing debut with her play Dear Eliza at the Greater Manchester Fringe Festival. The play was shortlisted for the Best Newcomer Award. She shares the experience of writing, directing, producing, financing and acting in the play, as well as the struggles of being a young unrepresented creative in the harsh acting industry.
What is your elevator pitch for Dear Eliza?
It’s like a brutal and exposing interrogation of friendship under the strain of mental ill health, but it balances heartbreak with humour. It’s playful but dark, and it sheds light on the reality of living as a mentally ill person in a media culture that either villainises or victimises the mentally ill.
How did you come up with the idea?
I wanted to do the Greater Manchester Fringe Festival and I knew I wanted to write. I’ve never shown my own writing before, so I was really nervous about that. I also knew I didn’t have any budget so I couldn’t have anyone else in the cast. Then I started thinking about conflict because I like that as an actor and as a writer. Mental health is something that’s really important to me, I’ve had a history of mental health issues since I was a teenager. The idea then just came to me and I ran with it.
From idea to Greater Manchester Fringe Festival and touring across the country… What has that process been like?
It’s been hard. The Greater Manchester Fringe Festival was like dipping my toes in because I’ve never done anything like that before. I did it in this studio space and used self-tape lights to light myself. It wasn’t a proper theatre space and it was only half an hour long at that point. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, and after that, my confidence grew because the reception I got was so good. At the end of the festival, I was even shortlisted for a prize, which I was not expecting. The process of doing it on tour was a lot of work. I’d say I probably was working 20 to 30 hours a week on top of my jobs. [I was] working on the production, marketing, graphic designers, finances, all of that so it was really a lot of work. But I don’t have any regrets at all. I’ve always felt that there are not enough acting roles for the number of actors that there are in the world, so I feel quite strongly that if you’re not getting work, you need to make your own work. In this particular tour, I didn’t make a profit. In fact, I lost money doing it, but it’s an investment for me.
What’s been the most moving part of doing this?
I had a conversation with a family member who had a friend who had committed suicide years ago and they started opening up to me about it. I’ve had conversations with people saying “I didn’t realise that I’ve had these thoughts too”. Those conversations have really hit me every single time and it feels like a privilege that people start to share their own stories back because I’ve shared this story.
How did you come to collaborate with MIND?
I knew that I wanted to channel the awareness that I was bringing into a moment of action so raising money for charities would be a good idea. I also felt like I had a duty of care as a performer and producer to provide resources at the end of shows because I feel like you can’t show someone something that’s potentially very triggering, and then just be like, “Alright, let’s see you at the bar.” I’ve used MIND a lot myself and a friend of mine has gone in and out of the psychiatric system and has had a lot of help from MIND, so it just made sense to go for that charity.
What’s next?
I want to carry on doing Dear Eliza. We are planning on taking it to a few fringe festivals in the summertime Also, I’m hoping to write a full-length piece.
