With eight million living in London, you’d think finding a friend would be easy – but loneliness is a common struggle. Maslow met some people who are getting creative with friendship.
It’s an unseasonably warm day in Battersea Park and I’m following cryptic coordinates sent to my email. I’m not sure what to expect. It’s my first time at the Lonely Girls Club, and a last-ditch attempt to make some London-based friends. I’m equipped with a Tesco meal deal, hay fever tablets and a tube of ready salted Pringles to share – bribery can always work. It’s not long before I see a crowd of 100 women sitting cross-legged on brightly coloured picnic blankets.
Founded by Holly Cooke, the club started with just five girls meeting up from a Facebook group in 2018. Seven years on, the community has grown to over 100,000 members across six UK cities, with the latest branch launching in Edinburgh in May this year. Its purpose is to help women make new friends in the city – something that despite London’s size, can be difficult to do.
Despite being a Londoner, after spending three years in Nottingham for university, I lost touch with some old friends while others are sprawled across the country, far from where I live in East London. Since I spend most of my time studying or working, the possibility of a meet-cute friendship is low, and it doesn’t help that I’ve moved back in with my mum, so hip flatmates are a no-go. So, when I stumbled on the club online, it felt like a great idea.
Overwhelmed by the sea of faces at the picnic, I sat with the first group of people I saw, who immediately welcomed me into the conversation. I quickly realised that my feelings about moving back to London were not unique. I got chatting to Jessica Glenn, 27, who tells me she moved back to London from Yorkshire last year. “Most of my friends have either moved out of London, or are married with children, so they don’t really have time for me,” she says. “It’s become much harder to see them. Everyone is too tired after work to socialise. I’m a nurse so I know how life gets busy, but it can be very lonely.”
“The city is so big with so many people – it feels overwhelming. It’s been hard to make deeper connections.”
And she’s not alone in her loneliness: Brits between 16-29 are over two times as likely to report feeling lonely than those over 70, according to a 2023 study by the Campaign to End Loneliness. The organisation’s Head of UK Delivery, Tracey Robbins says, “Our research showed that younger people in urban areas are particularly affected. A lot of this is because of the fast pace of life, the fact that city life is so expensive, and because a lot of socialisation is now done online.”
Another member of the group, Charlotte Houldey, 26, moved to the capital from Norwich three months ago. Although she has never lived in London before, she shares similar feelings as Jessica about the bustle of the city. “For me the issue is the amount of people in London,” she says. “The city is so big with so many people – it feels overwhelming. It’s been hard to make deeper connections.”
None of us had been to an event like this before but everyone appeared to be at ease and conversation flowed naturally. “I think because everyone is here with the intention to make friends, there’s less pressure – everyone’s in the same boat,” says Jessica.
Lonely Girls Club hosts a range of events such as spin classes or paintings, as well as picnics, like the one I’m at, but if formalised events aren’t your thing, there are plenty of other ways to find your new bestie.
Estella Kyriacou, 23, and Imogen Clarke, 26, met on Bumble For Friends, and got on so well they moved in together just a month after matching. They received over three million views on their TikTok about meeting on Bumble, documenting their life together on their shared account. “I didn’t even view the place; I just trusted her,” says Imogen. “People tell us we’re like an old couple. We’ve clung onto each other ever since,” adds Kyriacou.
Estella moved from Canada two years ago to study law but struggled finding a deeper connection. “I was feeling a bit lonely,” she says. “I didn’t need a million friends, just one person. Finding a best friend in the UK was my new year’s resolution.”
Imogen also moved to London two years ago from Buckinghamshire and says working from home limited her ability to socialise. “I only go to the office occasionally, so there wasn’t an opportunity to be super close to any coworkers,” she says. “I went to a few gym classes to meet people, but I guess no one wants to strike up a conversation mid-workout. So, I went straight to Bumble.”
Originally a dating app, Bumble introduced a friend mode in 2016 for users seeking platonic connections. Recognising its potential, they launched a separate app, Bumble For Friends in 2023. As with popular dating apps, users can swipe through profiles and match with new friends.
“The more we spoke, the more we clicked,” says Estella. “I think we both looked at each other and said, ‘You’re my new best friend’. We’re like family, I’m actually really close with her grandfather too. We spend a lot of time together.” The pair constantly finish each other’s sentences, laughing over their unique situation. “We’re both a bit insane, in terms of clinginess and neediness,” adds Imogen. “We’ve been really lucky.”
But while Imogen and Estella hit it off, other Bumble users haven’t had the same luck. Shriyansi Khanal, 26, moved back to London after living in Bristol for six years. “I lost touch with my childhood friends. They’ve either moved abroad or got married and had kids. Plus, all the friends I made at uni are spread out across the country,” Shriyansi says.
“I had heard about Bumble For Friends recently so I decided to give it a go. I met up with someone last month and even though she was nice, she was weirdly obsessed with her dog. She brought her dog to the date, wouldn’t stop talking about it, and let it sit on the pub table, slobbering next to our food. Maybe I’m more of a cat person.”
If swiping right isn’t for you, hiking groups like Middle of Nowhere offer a more down-to-earth approach for active Londoners. Dasha Svistunenko, 22, joined the group to both maintain her fitness and to find more friends. “Before I joined the club, trying to make friends was horrible. My coworkers became my friends, but I don’t want work to be my whole life,” she says. “And when you try to meet new people, they aren’t always open to adding more friends in the mix because they already have their group.”
Around 50 people turned up to the first hike in April, many of which have developed strong friendships already. “I bonded with some girls instantly, and we’ve been getting closer ever since,” Dasha says. “Now I’m meeting up with them for drinks all the time and being invited to their birthdays.”
Middle of Nowhere hike in Seven Sisters. Pic: Andrei Calin
Trinity Duong, 23, and Joseph Beattie, 30, created Middle of Nowhere in March, to build a community they felt was missing. Joseph moved to London from Alton in 2019 and has found it a challenge to find people that share similar interests in, besides from going to the pub or club. “I’ve never felt like I’ve had the sort of friends I have back home, that deep relationship with a group of people.”
Trinity moved from Canada last year and finds that due to busy schedules and lives, socialising often becomes one-on-one, rather than a group activity. “London is so big, and people live on each end, so it takes over an hour to see someone,” she says. “Having a shared experience where everyone comes together as a group makes you feel like you actually have a community.”
Another member, Plum Hewitt, 24, says the movement of hiking itself is great for making friends. “Instead of having direct eye contact and being quite intentional with the way you speak, when you’re walking it comes more naturally because your body is preoccupied,” she says.“Silences aren’t awkward because you might be walking up a hill, out of breath, or just listening to nature. It’s an open environment and people are just bouncing off each other.”
“We’ve been really adamant that we don’t do ticketed stuff – there’s no profit,” says Trinity.“London is like a funfair, but you can’t get on all the rides, and a lot of that is because of finances. We created Middle of Nowhere because we have a passion for it, and things like that in this city are rare.” Their next hike is on June 28, from Hastings to Rye.
A week after the picnic, I meet up with Charlotte and a few others from London Lonely Girls at Primrose Hill. After swapping music recommendations and anecdotes about weird dates over a bottle of Echo Falls, I told them about the upcoming hike. I was immediately met with excitement and curiosity, as they grabbed their phones to log it in their calendars. Somewhere between hiking boot recommendations and enduring acidic corner shop wine, I realised how much I missed feeling part of something.